I should just be me and just me

I tried to be someone else but that someone else made me feel absolutely low and dirty. I should have just stuck being me and stop imagining myself being someone else.

2014:5

I was reading the famous Sg Gay Confessions page and I questioned myself something that I have been questioning for quite some time.

You see I am already reaching three series but I have yet to have a relationship. NO relationship. None whatsoever. I was very discrete before and I never actually accepted myself as gay until recently. Even then, I'm still having conflict with myself accepting myself as gay. So, its like no relationship whatsoever. No sex whatsoever. Rarely managed to get a dick because I am considered as ugly and undesirable in this gay community. The last time I had a dick is one year ago. My arse is still a virgin. I always thought like I will save my body and my arse for someone special but I mean just how long can you wait? The jelly feeling that others have boyfriends and thus managed to channel their bodily desire with each other just make me feel jelly and kinda horny. Always. Just how long can you wait? Just how long can you hold that arse for that someone special? How long?

I need a boyfriend. Yeah family is important but family can't satisfy you bodily desire, can they? *incest much?*

Sekian, repekan pada hari ini. 

Chapter 2014: Episode 4

Urrgghhh..

Been trying to download a porn video but my internet is crappy!!

Grrr .. !

Chapter 2014: Episode 3

Yang seorang angin kus-kus macam nak datang.

Yang encik boss pulak buat tak tahu je.

When in fact, business outlook is not looking so good. 

Yet both of them seems to be indifferent to do a hell of marketing. 

Client dah sediakan platform yang best untuk marketing. 

Si angin kus-kus tak nak datang buat marketing.

Si encik boss tak nak paksa si angin kus-kus buat marketing.

Dah kalau aku yang kena buat semua marketing, baik aku dapat gaji yang termasuk dengan gaji dia.

Tak gitu?

Chapter 2014: Episode 2

Why is it so hard to accept that once you fall for a straight guy, you'll fall deep into the shadows? You know better than that. Your first straight crush made you fall really, really, really deep into the shadows. Don't fall for the second time. No matter how cute he is. Although, you could probably use him as your fapping material .....

Chapter 2014: Episode 1

Considering New Year's Day has overdue, I won't dwell on it so much. It's just the turning of the new year. Nothing special about it. Cehh konon. But really. I slept during the turning point of the new year. Sleep is much more precious. Hehehe ...

I shall begin my first post on this new year with my weird dream. I know. Weird dream and are-5th cannot dipisahkan =)

So it opens in a hospital of some sort. I was with my mum and my sis. And we were worried like hell. Like one of our family members are sick and need operation. Then, somehow my mum and me materialise (tak boleh blah punya ayat) at some department of the hospital. In there, there were numerous doctors offices and the nurse kindly said to us, "Makcik, bilik doktor yg dekat hujung sana, dekat corner sana tu." and guess what? The office was kind of spooky. Small, with only 3 small lamp to light the whole room. When we came in, he said, "Oh you family Izzad ke?" Now this is where it gets weird. I don't have any siblings name Izzad. But that name is the name of a primary school friend (who is cute and hot by the way). Then, after the doctor explain everything, I now am out of the office and this time with Daniel, who is supposed to be the family member that is sick. He is hugging me and crying because he needs to get an operation and I call my sister to calm my mum while I calm my brother Daniel, which in real life is not. He is another friend but this one in high school (and yes, he is a cutie too!) So, while I was calming him down, came Redza (who is another high school friend) who said "Hey! Let's take a picture for memories!" We tried selfie using my phone but somethow the three of us can't fit into the frame, so we asked someone to take it for us. After she take the photo for us, my phone freeze on me and when I switched it back, the photo was not taken and all of us were like disappointed that we can't preserved the memories.

Very weird. Dreaming of two cute guys in one dream. I'm not getting that dry now, do I?


P.S. Redza is not hot. Nor cute. But he is sweet. =))