Once I gave so much for someone who just treats me as an option. Now I realise no matter how much I gave to anyone, I always go back to this certain someone. A certain someone who has been there for me in my highs and lows. Someone who has seen my tears and my fears. Someone who has always accept me for what I am (except for that one part though. That's a secret until he finds it on his own). Someone who I think knows much about me but rather keep it low in respect of me. Someone who has been my pillar of support outside of family. Someone whose wisdom I appreciate greatly. Someone, who is now, I am missing greatly. I long for a nice cuppa with a nice meal at a nice setting, just us relaxing, chatting, chilling. I need to do that, as soon as he landed in Malaysia (which unfortunately might be next year considering he already maxed out his annual leave).

I miss you dear friend.

I. AM. FREAKING. MELTING. AND. ENVY. RIGHT. NOW!

Gosh! He is absolutely cute and OMG his skin is like so fair and so flawless and his body is just nice to hug and oh things I would do to him if I get him ...

Life is too fragile

I have been meaning to write this post ever since I heard about it but my work load kept putting me off till now. This post is a dedication to an acquaintance that I never had the chance to know him better. Let's start on how I knew him first.

When I was in college, I live in the provided hostel. So many students from different programs being put together but the hostel admin still group us according to our program i.e. students from the same program will live together in the same room. I was at at that time under the south hemisphere program and I was quite shy and reserved at that time. I don't really mingle much with others from my program let alone other programs. I have my own small but close gang. However, I wasn't really like shy like don't talk to others at all. I mean sometimes we have a chat but that's just about it. It was here that I met this acquaintance.

Being in the same hostel it is normal if we bump into students from different program and this particular student caught my eyes. Well he caught my eyes firstly because he's a cutie. *smiling ear to ear* He's from a different hostel block and though I wasn't sure which program he was in, I was absolutely sure he's not from my program. Trust me, I'd notice if there's someone that cute in my program. There's something special about this guy. Something that made me more attracted to him. He always smiles at me whenever I bump into him. Not many people did that. And now that I think about it, he's the only one who ever did that. He always smile and not in the plastic way. It was a genuine, friendly, sunny, warmth smile. No matter whether he's tired or not, he always smiles. Sometimes I'd bump into him when he's just finished class or playing basketball or jog, he's tired, we all do if we had just did that, but he never failed to give me a smile or a quick hello whenever we cross our paths. But that's just it. It never manifest into a conversation, never once did we introduce ourselves to each other. This goes on for over a year. Until ....

I was on my way out to buy my lunch. I saw him sitting at the basketball court alone with his bag and from the way he dressed, I figured he just came back from the college. At first, when our eyes met, as usual, we just smile to each other. But something came over me that time. I thought "You know what I'm going to get to know his name." I made a u-turn and joined him at the court and I can still remember my first words to him. "Hey, we have been going on like this for a year. We bump into each other and we smile to each other but we never know each others name. My name is ****. What's yours?"

"Oh hi! My name is MG."

That's how we officially met. That's the very first time after a year being two strangers giving each other a smile, we became an acquaintance. It wasn't a long conversation. It's more like a small chat of where he came from, which program he's in and things like that. Then, we had our good byes and we go along our merry way.

I never really did managed to keep in touch with him after I moved on to my next stage of my studies until 2009, if I'm not mistaken. I randomly typed his name on facebook and managed to get a hit and there he was. I sent for a friend request but he never approves it till now. And it just ends there, until a few days ago.

A few days ago, a friend posted a status of farewell and RIP to a man named M and it striked me whether this is the same M that I knew. I did a little digging and to my shock, it was. It's the same guy. Somehow, without me knowing, I was overwhelmed with this feeling of sadness and grief. It was weird. We never know each other but his passing just overwhelmed me. Turns out he passed away due to a post operation complication.

Since then on, some of his friends have been commenting on the status on what kind a person he is. His best buddy even dedicated a post at his blog to him. From there, I managed to know just how wonderful and kind and inspiring this young man is. If only I knew him better. If only when I sent for the friend request, I slipped on a message saying that "Hey! It's me! The guy from college that you always give a smile when we cross our paths." Maybe then, we can rekindle the acquaintance-ship and changed it into friendship. Now, it's too late.

Dearest MG,
It was amazing how a stranger's smiles, heaps them, for over a year for every time we bump into each other can leave such deep memories in me. May you rest in peace MG and may God bless your soul. I shall never forget that smile of yours that were always filled with warmth, kindness and friendliness.

Regards,
****

Fall From Grace

Yesterday was very eventful. Too many things happened that I think 'people up there' are really pissed off with me.

1. I was down with fever, cold and sore throat because I became a durian glutton the night before. Guess I did not take enough water to balance the heat of all the durians that I ate.
2. My car broke down again! It made some strange sounds when I accelerate and kept termati-mati secara tiba-tiba. Check the coolant. It was low, well very low exactly but there was no indication that the engine was overheated. Or maybe I'm such a car bimbo that I didn't notice anything strange. Hmm...
3. Witnessing first hand how love that can be so pure and warm turns to be so destructive and ridiculous and plain stupid. 

In conclusion, yesterday was totally not my day!

Tiada Tajuk

Today is going to be a slow pace day. I'm at work now but I'm still idling - do a little bit of work then surf the net and now I found myself writing a post. Going to do a little shopping later on. Thinking of taking advantage of the massive discounts now that Raya is approaching. I already bought four pairs of denim that I managed to get at the bazaar. Yeah, it's a knock off but it's a cheap knock off and it looks pretty good too. The seller said that they hail from Siam and it's a much better, more quality than the ones hailed from Hong Kong but what do I know. This is my first time buying a knock off at a bazaar. Hehehehe. If the seller wanted to lie to me he could considering I'm a noob.

Now, where were we ..... Oh! The shopping!

I'm thinking of buying a few pairs of tees and maybe shirts as well. See whether got my size or not.

And now I have no idea what to write anymore. Hohohoho ....