I was reading an episode review on a Korean drama Answer Me 1997. It is a drama about high school and what it feels like to be eighteen. The reviewer sang praises about this drama - how it precisely gives you that feeling that it really was like that years ago when you are eighteen. I never really get what she meant considering the previous episode is about girl and boy relationship, something which I never had. It was until this episode that I really understand what she meant.
Episode's review in question: http://www.dramabeans.com/2012/08/answer-me-1997-episodes-3-4/
As an eighteen years old kid, I once met a guy by accident. I had my eyes on him the moment I saw him. Just a short chat with him, like really short, I've melted. Long story short, turns out we got into the same college, same dormitory (but different floor) and the good thing is, he stills remember me! Immediately we clicked and we became the best of friends. Thanks to his good looks and good manners, we sort of like become one of the popular click at college. He of course gets all the attention, while me being his side kick. I had great moments in college while at the same time, I felt the pangs of one sided crush. Of loving a straight guy.
It felt so .... I'm not sure what kind of adjectives that I can use here. Maybe I can say that everything I do is about him. Eat together with him. Study with him. Basically do everything with him. There are times when he'd go out with his classmates (we were not in the same class) I'd feel sad and left out. It tortures me so much of loving a straight guy. It's like I'm so closed, yet I'm so far.
I never told anyone how I felt about him. I never even told him my feelings. I was scared because as much as I love him, I also don't want to ruin our friendship. In the end, I accepted the fact that even if I can only become his friend, I'm content. There's no way I want to let our friendship ends.
Even though I never tell him I'm gay, I guess he kind of suspects that I am. He has hinted once, but I managed to counter(??) it, I think, and he never asked any more of it again.