I don't know why I am so emo today.

Woke up with a heavy heart.

Then, kene nag saying that I lack competency in the eyes of my colleagues because of the way I behave. As far as I concern, I only choose this field because they wanted me to do this. No asking my opinion. No asking what passion do I have. Wait they never instill any passion in me. So, what passion do I have also I don't know. And now, they want to bring my competency issue? Please lah. After all of this time? The only reason I stay in this course is because of you and the stupid company that I'm working with which is not entirely a nice  company to work with. But what choice do I have. I need the money.

Right now I am fighting with myself to stay on this course. I know the pros and the cons. I am just fighting to keep myself motivated to stay in this field. I am trying to keep myself sane in this kind of life I am living. I am rebelling because I don't like the way I lead my life today. I feel like I've lost a part of me. Or a major part of me.

You have no idea how sometimes when I drive I just have the urge to let go of the steering wheel and press the accelerator to the max and let whatever things to happen to me. Sometimes I just don't care anymore.

I'm just tired. I know what I have to do but my heart isn't just in it anymore.